Life and times

lauriec @ 2007-08-31T11:00:00

2007-08-31T15:02:37Z

So I am taking off to ottawa today - then to montreal for osheaga festival.

Much love kitchener

PEACE

It's been a while

2007-02-20T15:56:49Z

Hello to those who read this.......

It's been a while since i've written in this thing... see I just started school yesterday.. and we're learning Microsoft word.. and well.. let's just say it's a bit basic so i have extra time on my hands..

I miss real conversations. I used to go on msn and really talk to people. Not in the rushed to the point sort of way.. just used to talk about life and philosophy and future and all that jazz.. Where have all the good coversations gone?

I feel rushed quite a bit with most of what i do now a days.. i feel like i've lost touch with a lot of people since i've been to Hong Kong. Noone seems to call anyone anymore.. it's all msn and facebook and even then it's not much communication.. and people aren't going out as much.

What happened to the bowling and sledding (call me.. we're going sunday afternoon) and icecream (yes i know it's winter)

So.. My birthday is coming up.. I'm turning 21.. Yikes.. i can drink in the U.S.A soon enough...

*Friday March 16th - The Wax there are a bunch of birthdays mine included.. So come!

So i emailed my agency in Toronto.. they're not submitting me to any fashion week stuff because my hip is 38.. Which is dumb because last time i went to auditions i was a 38 hip.. Silly agency.. what are you thinking.. It's my own fault.. i forgot in hong kong how much i love cheese..

Back to the healthy lifestyle..

So who is a member at family fitness.. Meghan Janssen and i have been going at least 4 times a week for the past 3 weeks. If you're interested in working out with a few other people we typically go at 8-9pm... and stay till about closing.. I prefer the Victoria Street Gym... it's nice.. and i do also have 2 week trials for free if anyone wants to try it out for 2 weeks.

Healthy eating.. you will be done.. it's tough sometimes.. when you're too busy.. it's so much easier to just stop in and grab food on your way to whereever you're going.... but i've gone to costco.. i've stocked up on tuna and it's time...

Anyways... bottom line is i'm still around.. and you should call me if you miss me.. and even if it's in a month from now.. i will book you in.. i have a schedule.

Laurie

Sometimes.. it's never quite enough

2006-11-17T07:56:41Z

IMPORTANT - my friends should read this

Sorry.. i read through my last blog and it looks like i fail to write in ways which even i can comprehend..

So.. about not being in school. I've justified it to myself more times than necessary.. so why don't i buy it? I think i just feel like i'm not really striving towards a goal.. towards a future.. i'm in a rut if you will.. but i don't have a strong will to fight it most of the time. I have started reading more again - That's a start i guess.. I just want to find a passion that i can stick to. I mean it's cool to be able to do everything.. but i think i'd rather be able to do one thing extremely well and build from there. Then there's the travel.. and if i go back to school and then get out of school and am no longer able to travel for free.. well i might then have a regret.. and i've been pretty good at living my life with few to no regrets.. it's hard to stand at a fork in the road and know for certain which choice is the sure thing.. which will lead me to where i want to be.. living with no regrets can be a tough game.

Sometimes i feel so inspired.. i just jump into a new project and feel like i'm going to rock it and i've found my thing.. and there are other days where getting out of bed is such an extremely hard task....

Did i mention this time of year makes things a million times harder. We're closing in on the first anniversary of my mothers death.. So now it's come to the memories of driving to and from the hospital.. The flash backs of cleaning up her vomit.. making her kraft dinner because it's all she could stomach.. and slowly watching her lose her mind.. and her will to live.. Skipping french classes to drive her to her chemo...Dealing with her on steriods, crying together, fighting, losing... Kind of a downer i suppose but that's what's on my mind and this is my blog.. so

And then there are boys.. stupid clueless boys.. who want to have sex.. and don't realize i need substance.. reliability.. comfort...honesty... i mean sex is cool.. but the full package is probably all i can humanly stomach... oh and a love for 5 pin bowling would be an asset.. There's a few boys i could try to make something work with.. but it's explaining my situation.. then reading to see if they even give a shit.. and facing the fact that people who i love are no longer human to me.... I need a reason to stay here.. Right now.. i just don't have it.

~~I loved you.. i remember the day, the ice cream cake, the late night, the avoiding of life, but in the morning you woke up, and you got up, and you left me, but you took part of me with you~~

I'm not an emo kid.. I'm an emotional girl.. for good reason.. please do not mix up the two as they are very different. I need a friend to talk to. Not someone who says "hey man you can talk to me anytime about anything" Someone who is gunuine.. someone who will just listen and talk back.. someone who will not judge what i have to say.. who will hold me and not ask why.. and won't start grinding into me if i ask to sleep alongside them because the thought of sleeping alone seems unbareable.

I guess that's a lot to ask for... I mean after my mom's death that's not what i needed.. I needed for people to leave me alone.. so i shut a lot of people out and lived in my bubble.. i still went to work.. i still drank myself stupid.. but not as much.. and at a distance in my mind.

I want to feel somethin real.. i want to do something real.. i want to be proud of myself and feel that if my mom was watching over me.. she would be proud too.. and since i've been home.. i haven't felt that way.. i just want to curl into my bubble again and be done with anything outside my room.

I miss friends who just hang out.. it doesn't always have to be parties and drinking.. and i need to make more time.. and hide in my room less.. but i'm doing the best i can at this time.. I'll give a little if you will..

Laurie

(And hey.. you didn't even need to dial 9 digits to find out how i'm doing.. interesting how this internet blog business works)

Hola, besayo, bonjour, bonjourno

2006-10-03T15:34:52Z

Hiya

So... i'm coming home.. within the week.. i will be home for sure by october 15th.. i am to receive full itinary tomorrow to find out my actual departure date

I will be flying hong kong to korea to japan to chicago to toronto.. so.. as much as i can't wait to see all of your smiling faces that trip is going to SUCK big time..

3.5 hours, 2.5 hours, 13hours, 2 hours.. oh and that's not including any waiting time in airports.. which is pretty much guaranteed 2 hours per stop. Ughghhhghgh

Otherwise i'm glowing a healthy traveller's glow..

I miss you and i'm coming home..

Now everyone remember where you were 3 months ago.. and go back to it damnit.. this is going to be confusing to catch up with everything.. and i know there are a few faces that will not be present.. which saddens me..

Party details to be announced.. but you know it's me.. so there will be a phils night for sure.. and probably some cosmic 5 pin bowling..

Love me love me love me still.. and i will come back to you

Laurie

never settle

2006-08-27T12:45:38Z

Never settle

So to start the update for this week:

- I worked last Tuesday for a newspaper

- I had no castings for the rest of the week because of a scab on my face

- I shoot tomorrow with Jessica Code Magazine

That is everything on the modeling end of things. I have however had far too much time to sit around and think about things. Yes, Im sorry, this will be another introspective rant on how people live their lives.

Ever since I lost my mom, and went through her sickness with her my views on family have changed quite a bit. As much as it hurt losing her, the only person who really understood me, I feel it has helped me to see what is more important in life to me. Family was always important, but our family never really had that strong connection. That is something I really want for my future. The sense of security, support and love that you can come home to and really call home. I mean I definitely have that with many of my closer friends, but its just something that I notice more and more.

**[ I met a pilot from Israel last night, we talked and talked, we went to 3 different clubs and we walked to the harbour at around 6am to watch the sun rise, it was just genuine conversation. Two people talking about their dreams and ambitions, discussing how thankful they are for where they are in life, the opportunities theyve been given. He was 28 turning 29 in a few months Its amazing how traveling to this place Ive met so many interesting people from all over the worldand weird how I will probably never see or talk to him again.]**

I struggle with boys/men/the opposite sex. I find I want to keep things going, no matter what the cost. I want to connect with everyone I meet, no matter how different we are. I need to be stronger in this area. I need to learn to say when enough is enough. I need to learn to say we are much too different, and fight the urge to just be with someone for the sake of being with someone.

What is with the lies, the denial, and the secrets? When did it become so impossible for two people to just be together, and for that to be fulfilling. Everyone has insecurities, asking themselves; Does he like me? or Does he think Im not good enough? When did it become so complicated? Why do people feel the need to lie?

Well you know what Its time for everyone to think and figure out what it is they really want.

For me I want:

- Someone faithful

- Someone who can just be honest with me

- Someone I can talk to about anything

- Someone who can love me the way I love them

- Someone I can travel the world with

- Someone I can laugh at and laugh with

- Someone I can cry on

- Someone whos not afraid to cry on me

- Someone I can grow old with and live with and be with

Is it really too much to ask for? Am I wasting my time? I mean I know this sort of relationship doesnt sprout in a day, but I think there needs to be an understanding of what you ultimately want, and once you get to know someone, you need to know where they want to be.

I think the real question is can I settle for less? Its time to start saying no. I know what I want, I know what I dont want. Life is too short for second and third chances, for lies and deception, life is meant for living and ideally Id like to live happily ever after.

Laurie

Hong Kong

2006-08-04T14:44:55Z

Hey.. so Korea didn't like livejournal.. but Hong Kong thinks it's A-Okay!

I'm in Hong Kong now.. and for the next 3 months modelling.. I'm with Salute Models..

Oh boy.. this is going to be an adventure!

Laurie

Last Update from Canada.. for 2 months

2006-07-06T14:10:53Z

Hey to my lovely readers.. who have some sort of interest in me, my life, or my Korean adventure!

What's the deal?
- My flight goes from Toronto - Chicago - Tokyo - Seoul Korea
- My flight from Tokyo To Seoul has now been cancelled.. Which is pretty scary / awesome..
- I am now staying a night (expense free) in Tokyo Japan.. I have to catch a shuttle bus once i arrive and find the hotel..
- Does anyone have faith that i can do that.. because i certainly don't speak japanese.. and to top it off.. i'll be taking a shuttle bus with two large suitcases (on wheels luckily) and a purse and a carryon..

I'm going.. i'm going.. i'm leaving i'm leaving..

This is starting to get exciting.

I did meet a boy in waterloo though.. what horrible timing.. I'm pretty smitten with him.. and i sure hope he sticks around.. (if you're reading this.. i mean business mister..)

If you want to send me a lovely email.. please feel free to do so at l_cadman@hotmail.com.. If you would like a postcard.. and i end up figuring out the postage.. please email me your full mailing address.. i will do my best to get something cool to you..

So i think i'm ready for this whole new world.. i have enough underwear packed for a month.. i have my mp3 player.. my laptop.. about 15 tank tops.. you know.. just incase i need that other shade of brown.. or that extra black one..

I did well though.. i still have a bit of room incase i buy something awesome there.. and well.. who am i kidding.. i don't really need to bring home my towel, the leftover shampoo, flip flops.. if i find a cool enough deal.

I got to chill with mel on Tuesday night.. we're such babies.. but i'm really going to miss that girl! And Meg too.. what will we do without eachother.. and without alcohol.. lol You best keep Sasha in line.. or he'll be hearing it from me.. nasty email or raunchy postcard style..

I'm going to miss so many people.. so much.. i'm sad for those i didn't get to say goodbye to.. in person.. and thankful for those i did get to spend some extra time with (even if it meant losing a bit of much needed sleep...)

Random Shout outs.. Cause i can totally talk through this instead of actually emailing anyone lol

Brian.. taker easy.. thanks for the forbidden pizza,
Brown thank you for trying so hard to get me out.. sorry i didn't make it out more this past week,
Phil - Hey you got your stuff back ;) FINALLY!
Mel - LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE - Please email me if you need me
Meg - So sept 9th.. that sounds like it might need to be a bar night.. wait.. what day of the week is that? Screw unpacking..
Steve - awww ken doll. Hopefully you can concentrate on not being a marshmallow, studying, and saving in your pretty girl fund
Trish - I miss you already.. and putting a big ocean between us isn't going to help our chances of hanging out
Eric - I'm sorry bout Ottawa.. i will email you.. and you can come hunt me down in Korea?
Lesley - I think there's something wrong with me + Ottawa.. it just doesn't seem to work for me.. EVER
Mikie - Feel better.. and come out next time booger
Danny - Keep on keeping on.. i will have to hunt you down in Toronto.. and make use of your couch.. Ya that's right.. i'm going to use you.. but if you're lucky.. i'll bring ice cream cake along..
James - You leave me.. so i left you right back... (i'm sorry let's never fight again)
Nicole - Where have you been all my life.. oh right.. down the street.. pick some strawberries on my behalf please!
Kaytee - HEY... why do we never get to see eachother!

Signing off..

Laurie

sorry bout the bitterness

2006-07-04T15:53:43Z

Wow.. so i think i might have been a touch bitter in the last entry.. it's mostly just the stress of getting ready.. to up and leave everything i'm firmiliar with.

I'm excited though.. Today is a good day.. and i'm getting excited.. I'm leaving in 3 days.. To Toronto in 2 days.. I'm going with no expectations and i'm going to live day by day. I'm going to give Korea a run for their money. I was supposed to be going around the same time as another girl from my agency.. who is probably not going now.. But apparently that's better.. because i'll have to make friends.. and have an amazing time..

If you want postcards.. you should send me your full address.. and i'll do my very best.. If i figure out the value of stamp i need lol. But i'm going to try try try.. so let me know.

This will be the first place you should check for the latest and greatest adventures. If you want to contact me: l_cadman@hotmail.com I will do my best to get back to everyone. I will also try to keep up with myspace.

I'm pumped.. i'm ready.. Bring it on Korea.

Laurie

*Food for thought*
Something tells me i didn't get here on my own.. and that someone might be watching out for me.. So i'm glad.. She would be so proud.. and so scared shitless.. But proud non-the-less..

going away party

2006-07-03T06:21:21Z

well tonight was my going away party at phils...
Thank you to Nicole, Sheena, Meg, Gwen, Brian, Billy, john, Brown, and Phil.... to everyone else....unless you talked to me.. wow.. that hurt.. I'm leaving.. like really soon.. for at least 2 months. and some of you i have heard nothing from.. My days are limited and almost completely full now..

It feels so weird... i feel more like i need to go.. because so little is holding me here anymore...

I'm torn... but excited

I don't know whether or not to miss you.. but tonight made it pretty clear that i shouldn't.. because you won't miss me

wow. i'm done writing for tonight.. i'm not in good mood

Laurie

laurie's crazy south korean adventure.. part 1

2006-06-30T19:26:13Z

Ok.. so i'm really going... and not only that.. i'm really going in 7 days...

HOLY CRAP!!

To Do List:
1. make hair appointment
2. buy shampoo and conditioner
3. talk to gym
4. clean out car
5. upload all crutial music to mp3 player
6. learn the korean language lol ya right
7. Get started on a packing list
8. find out how much luggage i can bring
9. find out about power outlets
10. breathe in and out on a regular basis

Wow.. i'm too excited.. this will be where i keep in touch with people and let you know what's going on... because i've heard internet cafe's are pretty easy to find.. and well.. they do cost money.. so i will be checking email.. and trying to get back to people.. but if you want the low down on what i've been doing.. HERE's the spot until further notice..

Hey. Has anyone been to Soeul?

Laurie

blehhhhhh

2006-06-26T01:34:12Z

i need to get out get out get out of here!

And i am.. Ottawa from July 7th to the 16th.. but i'm not sure that's going to be enough..

Also my agency needs a scanned copy of my passport.. not sure why.. but travels might be brewing.

I am unsure how i feel about boy. Or boys in general for that matter..

I'm not sure how i feel about life, and work.. and working for a living.. I work too much.. i hurt.. i get leg cramps instead of just foot cramps..

My body keeps yelling STOP STOP.. and i say.. ya ok.. just gimme another week.. then if you're still angry we'll talk about it.

I miss my friends.. and wish people would actually call me.. or want to hang out with me.. And not all just leave me for bigger and better things..

Still debating a move.. and wondering where i'd go.

So there's all the update you're getting.. you'll have to actually call to get the full scoop

Laurie

*food for thought*
my brain doesn't work.. and apparently it's not on warranty

not yet dead

2006-06-22T22:36:55Z

hey, Just wanted to let you know.. i am not infact dead.. just overworked.. a bit sick.. and quite tired.. so .. sorry if i have been neglecting you.. but in fairness you haven't called me.. so way to neglect me..

I need a nap.. after work.. in about an hour

Laurie

hm...

2006-05-25T04:41:36Z

I like you.. I've liked you since i met you.. but we have changed.. things have changed.

Remember when you couldn't get enough of me. When you would drop me off.. and then call me to have me come watch a movie at your place cause you couldn't sleep... And i would hike up the street and cuddle in with you.

Remember eating poutine after the bar.. and making out on the couch jamie had to sleep on. And the sketchy asian girl hitting on me at fubar (thanks for the save)

Remember when we talked most of the night in London, because you wanted to know. You wanted to introduce me to all of your friends. You wanted to bring me out to meet them.

Remember when you called me three times during your shift.. because you wanted to talk, even though you didn't have anything to talk about.

I miss that. I know you can't help it.. I just want to know if that is gone or if that's still us.. maybe it's that i don't know exactly what we are right now. I just miss the fun without the worry of if you actually are having fun or not. If you want to be there or not, as if we don't overanalyse everything anyways.

So do we take a break... Do i stop calling?
Give you some time to think about it?
Do i send you an email highlighting some of the awesome times we've had together...?

I don't want to complicate things.. i just want to be able to chill out and have fun.. with you.. and with a bunch of people.. and just have a good time...

Being sick and in bed for 4 days gives you way too much time to think... so i kept thinking.. i never really got to an answer though...

Can we just have fun without worrying about the whole "relationship issue".. I mean i had fun at the barn show.. but other than that it's been different with us lately.. there's been this awkward feeling.. unless that's just me imagining it..

Am i making this all up?

Laurie

lauriec @ 2006-04-18T19:11:00

2006-04-18T23:10:07Z

It's been a while since i've had any real updates.. but you know what.. that's ok.. if you don't know what's going on with me and you're relying 100% on this journal.. well.. sorry but it's not going to cut it anymore.. you might have to break down and give me a call.. go out for coffee.. or even send me an email once and a while..

The Basic Updates:

- Didn't go to montreal
- Went to See Death Cab for Cutie and Franz (holy fucking amazing show)
- Have a second interview at Sole tomorrow morning
- Met a wonderful boy.. we shall see how that goes
- I bought the teenage mutant ninja turtles movies on DVD
- I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl who's still around the morning after

Basically.. Things are fairly good today.. hopefully will be better tomorrow

Laurie

*food for thought*

I heart mel.. and wonderful music

Hey .. i should write something.. so these people know i'm still alive

2006-04-11T12:16:17Z

I'm going just a little bit crazy out of my mind..
It's like i don't know myself.. I don't know how I feel inside
There are some things for certain
And one thing is you..
But baby.. you need to know..
You need to see me
You need to hear me
You need to save me

My tears are falling... can't you see them
My heart is calling... can't you hear it
My soul is hoping... can't you feel it

It just doesn't feel the same
I guess I'm off my game...but
It will never be the same.. now that you're gone

You're not coming back...
Nothing will feel right like it used to..
Can it feel like a whole new right?

Where are you now?
Are you watching me?
Are you scolding me?
Are you cheering me on.. and crying out with me?

Are you giving me some space.. watching from preferial..
Just incase i need
A guardian Angel

Laurie

God i miss you..

*food for thought*
Life has been busy as of late

ponder a little

2006-03-26T20:43:09Z

Currently Listening
O
By Damien Rice
see related

"Life it taught me to die"

I guess that's the way life is.. each day you live.. you're one day closer to death.. each experience is one more off the checklist.. I think it's about living each day for each day.. learning all you can learn.. experiencing all you can experience...

I've come across a few people who say they have never had a drink of alcohol in their life.. i find that baffling.. Wouldn't you do it just to see what it's like.. do it for the experience and then if you don't like it.. you know..

But in fairness.. i would never do crack.. just to see how it feels? So where is the line drawn.. what's the difference? Am i just an alcoholic in disguise?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What the heck am i doing... what do i do with myself next year? Do i go back to Laurier.. i can't honestly see that happening right now.. It just feels wrong.. and typically i've done best trusting my instinct.. I can go back anytime now.. so maybe i do the college thing and get something specific.. something i like..

College options:
- Photography
- Marketing / advertising
- Visual Merchandising..
- Business

I think it goes in that order.. If i do the college thing the soonest i'd be able to do it is January.. or even wait until the following September.. so the question remains.. what the heck am i doing next year?

I'm applying for a second job very shortly.. I want to save up some money.. maybe travel will be an option for next year.. I've got a place to stay in Yukon.. But i want to see Europe too... hm.... how do i make it work...

I shall ponder this further... Hey any bands need a female vocalist? It's time to start living a little

Laurie

*food for thought*

Strep Throat is a terrible disease

thinking, waiting, hoping, wishing, praying, walking

2006-03-12T20:55:45Z

So boys and girls

Phil and i broke up.. *Phew* glad that's over with (totally kidding.. we're going to just be friends as we are not so compatible in a "relationship")

I have done a lot of reflective thinking over the past 24 hours.. man i'm glad i got back into that.. i was fearful that my brain had quit on me.. but apparently it was just a problem in contract that has now been smoothed over.. let the learning and thinking continue.. (sorry.. that was a bit of a pun on the college situation) ((incase you didn't catch it))

I went for a walk today..it was about an hour and a half.. thinking about crazy whitty things.. I saw so much trash... trash driving down the street.. cigarette packages and butts, condom wrappers, dime bags.. man that's ugly to look at..

I fear one day i will be hit by a car entering a MacDonalds drive thru.. is that odd? Cause i can totally see it happening..

Why are we still allowing people to eat MacDonalds? Why do we still have fast food and cigarettes? Why are people so self destructive by nature? Why do we drive.. and overbook ourselves and stress over the small things? "Life's too short" I think time is a means of keeping track of life.. but you don't know when you'll go.. so why are you rushing all the time? Why not sit back and truely enjoy what you're seeing, doing, feeling, smelling (ew.. waterloo and toronto smells)

Soooo.. i'm taking it back.. starting fresh.. setting goals for myself.. and following through.. how appropriate as i am about to turn 20
Come out on Saturday March 18th@ 8:30pm Duke of Wellington - 10pm Phils!

Laurie

*food for thought*

So many blank pages left in my story book, How will i know, will i know when i'm done, has it just begun, to fade in or fade out, fall out like you do when I see you with broken eyes, broken heart, mended mind, I try to find the answers that can't have questions that don't have answers in a right or wrong form, is this the norm of my life and my feelings, am i feeling a bit overwhelmed by this invasion, this occasion that continues to surface, when i've forgotten the hurt that insues when things work out for the worse, for better or worse never seems to occur when you speak your mind, honesty is possibly the rawest pain I seem to obtain from the words..
Your words..
Your words...
My Hurt, your hurtful words

your intentions may be pure but...
it doesn't mean it won't hurt for a while... I'll be fine.

Another Day Another Day Another Day

2006-03-11T05:15:21Z

Too much is not enough is too much is not enough.

I feel sorta Clockwork lately.. what does that even mean? My moods are changing so fast.. my brain is on hyper mode with nothing to process.. my schedule is on overload with no time to think.. and most importantly.. you're getting me down.. why are you getting me down.. we're supposed to be perfect.. you're supposed to be my knight in shining armor.. nothing is ever supposed to be wrong.. things are just supposed to be happily ever after no?

WAKE UP LAURIE
life is difficult at times.. I'm a basketcase at times.. i cry for no reason to people i hardly know at times.. and you're on your own at times.. I don't know why i find this so hard to comprehend.. I wish everyone and everything could be perfect and happy and well.. but that's not realistic to life.. not at all.

I'm going to be 20 soon.. have i made any progress this year? Depends what you call "progress".

I've never felt so alone in my life.. What am i doing here.. what am i doing with my life..?

Laurie

*food for thought*
keep an eye on that one..

Don't hate my hate

2006-03-09T18:11:17Z

Man i'm so fucking bitter today.. it's almost unbareable.... some days you just seem to wake up on the wrong side of the bed.. this day.. i woke up on the wrong side of the world.. the wrong state of mind.. I'm just fucking bitter

Rehearsal was alright last night.. designer is super gay.. but really nice.. he gave me 2 passes (each of which are good for two people) to come see the show.. so if anyone is actually interested.. it should be a fun time.. I'm staying there and partying after.. crashing at a model's place.. and driving home in the morning For the actual show date.

Laurier should go to hell.. 55% of tuition will not be paid to them for being S.O.B's .. i have to deal with that tomorrow.. long long long story.. but basically i feel screwed right now.. i can't afford to pay tuition for time i wasn't even in school.. I have to file a petition against it.. basically a whole lot of stuff i don't have time to do which i shouldn't have to do.. now has to be done..

This week just feels like such a disappointment.. i suppose i should have just assumed it would be that way but man.. it seems like anyone who talks to me is on auto pilot and isn't hearing a word i'm saying.. then i get the dredded programed responces like "cool" to something that is clearly not cool...

I think i might go into hiding.. i mean half of my friends don't call me anyways.. so it shouldn't be overly hard..

DAMNIT.. GAH... i just feel so powerless to change this horrible mood i seem to be in..

You are too busy for me to talk to.. and when i talk you don't listen
I am too demanding.. i want it all or nothing..

My birthday is coming up soon.. am i excited... No.. Not at all.. but i still hope to see you all there.. i just doubt i'll be in the best of moods

I still miss her.. everyday..
Don't tell me you're invincible.. don't tell me you'll be here forever.. because life's too short for pety lies

Laurie

*food for thought*
Summer is not the answer to our problems.. it's just a season..

What a day...

2006-03-07T04:18:47Z

So.... i would consider one of the events of today grounds to declare it a weird day.. but no no.. i've got MULTIPLE reasons.. so here goes.. i'll explain my day

5:45am - Wake up time.. Ya.. pretty freaky
9am - Photoshoot start time
- Foundation reacts with my skin making my face look orange and blotchy.
- Skin continues to randomly turn orange in small areas all day
- Had to wear a tutu with a pink bathing suit
- Had to baby oil up my body and wear gauze as the final outfit
- Photoshoot went over 2.5 hours overtime which means i was late for work

4:30pm - Begin the drive home (still baby oiled and covered in make-up)
- Get pulled over by police for driving with an expired sticker ...Thanks dad
- Get some of the weirdest looks ever from Toronto Police
- Get off without a ticket because i played stupid and played the 'this isn't my car' line
Followed by the man am i greasy and i'm from out of town

6:00pm - Arrival home
- Shower at the speed of lightning
- Drive rather fast to work after painstakingly putting on fresh make-up

6:45pm - Arrive at work
- Speak to girls about modelling in Toronto Anorexia etc etc

9pm - Done teaching
- Finish up a few odds and ends at work
- Return a call from a woman who contacted me about a modelling assignment*** Here's the real story****

The Phone Call
Preface: So this lady contacts me via musecube and says she has a *modelling job which is part time for 2 weeks and pays $4000 cash (Nothing indecent).. So i'm thinking regardless of what it is i need to follow up.. because it could be something werll worth participating in.

The Call:
So i call this lady..
L - hi, very sorry about missing you earlier, please let me know more about this project.
Her: Hi thank you for calling back - I'll let you know a bit about why i contacted you.
L - Great
Her: I'm in my mid 30s and can no longer produce eggs
L - oO(OH MY GOD)Oo
Her:... women produce over 50 000 eggs in their lifetime, i'm looking for a dedicated girl to come with me to an egg donation clinic to take hormones that make you release more eggs so i can harvest them and make model babies

Ok so she didn't say those words exactly.. but it was close enough to be FAR too creepy for words

Sorry lady i'm on the pill.. i'm saving them for later so i don't have your problem

MAN.. on a modelling site.. i mean.. common

Laurie

*food for thought*

How was your day?

Soul Searching.. or whatever

2006-03-05T21:41:45Z

I've been feeling weird about a lot of things lately.. still very much living in limbo.. too much sitting overhead.. too much undecided.. too much stress

This week is going to be a busy one..
Monday - Photoshoot 9am in Toronto
Work for 4pm in Kitchener

Tuesday - Work for 4pm (yup i get a morning)
1 month with Phil

Wednesday - Fitting 12:15 Toronto
                         Rehearsal 4pm Toronto
                         Teaching at work technically starting at 7pm

Thursday - Dentist appointment to fill 3 cavaties starting at 2
                    Work at 4pm (still with a numb mouth.. fancy.. )

Friday - YAY FRIDAY!!!!! NOTHING "officially" planned Though i might hit up a cowboy kegger ;)

Saturday - A Birthday celebration of sorts.. (not for me.. for someone else)

So busy busy busy.. still haven't gotten my school sorted out.. other than i apparently failed french.. which gives me more school related things to do.. since now i have to find out why.. BLAST.. I hate school You can't get away from it even if you're not going~

I want summer to come back!
Laurie

*food for thought*
Slumber parties should include uninterrupted sleep ;)

lauriec @ 2006-02-20T19:14:00

2006-02-21T00:16:09Z

Currently Listening
2 Little Birds
By Christine Fellows
see related

This is my bragging entry.. cause i'm proud..

1. I am a part of the Ryerson Fashion Shows in April.. which i didn't think i would get due to the AWFUL state i was in when i auditioned.. good old personal trainers..

2. I am in the last show of Toronto Fashion Week - Unfortunately i was never told the designer's name thusfar.. but i've got a fitting next Monday so i'll fill you in for sure! WHOOEEEEE i was sooooooo pumped about getting this show. It was the one i found out about the casting an hour and a half before it started.. and when your drive is about an hour and 10 min.. well you sometimes have to go into hyper mode to get things done.. bottom line is.. i'm crazy pumped about doing this show

So.. today is a good day .. a very good day.. and i plan to continue to fill it with awesome people and whatnot.

Only downside to the Toronto Fashion Week show.. it's on St. Patrick's day.. ARG!

Laurie

*food for thought*

Dan - Let me know your schedule.. we shall gather some people and play nintendo.. this week is fairly open for me.. but then again.. so are most.. but i mean mike brown is even not that busy..

another update? Wowzah!

2006-02-19T22:33:09Z

Currently i'm reading "The Tao of Pooh" Written by Benjamin Hoff...

The concept of the story is Taoism explained with the characters of Whinney the Pooh.

Brilliance.. I'm about half way though the book.. here are a few quotes

"'Wouldn't you say, Pooh?'
'Say what?' asked Pooh, opening his eyes.
'Music and living----'
'The same thing,' said Pooh"

hehe i know it's not really all that significant of a line.. but I feel so much closer to Pooh now..

My life has been going well - My cd wallet is now.. FULL.. to the brim.. to the very bitter end

Found a reborn love for Death Cab for Cutie.. plans is a great album.. and of course Transatlanticism is still by far the best!

I auditioned for a Toronto Fashion Week show.. looking good so far but i won't know for sure for a while yet.

Playing Mario 64 with Phil and we are now at 98 Stars.. How is this possible you ask? Because we kick ass.. serious ass..!

Still dreaming up my Birthday Plans... I think we may start off at a restaurant.. maybe Mongolian.. so those who was to eat can eat.. and those who want to drink can drink.. then moving on to a medium spot.. maybe failte or duke? (keeping in mind that the day before is St. Patties day.. so we may not want to go back to the pubs just yet) Then of course.. we'll end up at phils.. it might even be just a two location kinda thing...

Any suggestions / requests?

Loving my lovlies. Mel it's been awesome.. hehe valentine.

Phil - You're wonderful.. TRUST ME.. i know best~

Laurie

*food for thought*

"Instead of struggling to erase what are referred to as negative emotions, we can learn to use them in positive ways"

JOIN THE CLUB...

2006-02-13T19:58:04Z

it's time for a rant ladies and gent... so.. common everyone and join the club.

Why is it we feel the need to "fit in" as if sharing the same species wasn't enough.. we have to subgroup ourselves.. we have to feel as though we really "belong" somewhere..

Did you know there's a sub-culture for those who drive jeeps? Ya.. me either.. until driving with someone who owns a jeep.. they wave to eachother like they have some devine connection because they drive the same type of vehicle.. does this happen with every sort of vehicle.. no.. of course not.. what do i have in common with the annoying retired grandma driving 20km under the speed limit who just happens to be driving a nissan sentra..

So does this mean jeep drivers are cooler? Or have a stronger need for connection? Or is it just that some dolt waved at another dolt due to the vehicle.. and Voila .. history made.

Can this transfer into other aspects of our life? Should i wave at all long haired brunettes with bangs?

Should my ex-boyfriends all feel connected? (do they...?)

Does every common thing make us connected to people.. or is it all just co-incidence and insecurity of feeling independent from eachother...

I guess this sort of connects to the (American) Crash theme.. Do we sometimes feel so independent that we need to CRASH just to make a connection..

I suppose this leads to.. Do we need drama in our life to have stories to tell.. and do we need listeners to tell to?

Do we need to connect to have listeners? Are we not all just as connected.. or just as independent

Well there you have it folks.. Laurie's random thoughts..

Until next time.. don't crash cars!

Laurie

*food for thought*

But he's my brother....

Alas a real entry?

2006-02-13T02:28:17Z

So my problem lately is that i just haven't had the drive or determination to write a full out entry. I don't really know if i want people to know how my life is going.. Well let me re word that.. i don't care if people that aren't a regular part of my life know how i'm doing.... but here i am writing an entry.. so whatever..

So.. updates...

I'm a happy girl - Phil and i are now officially a couple.. i won't go into great detail as i do try to avoid relationship comments on here.. but i seem to have this crazy grin on my face almost 24 hours a day.. I feel like a princess.. i feel great.. and i'm probably ginxing it as we speak.. shutup laurie.. just leave it alone for now..

Saw Munich last night.. CRAZY movie.. i would recommend seeing it.. unless you don't like blood, realistic death or depressing themes.. or long movies..

Onward...

I worked with a personal trainer last week.. ya that REALLY hurt.. but now i have a fitness plan.. and i'm totally going to kick it's ass.. My skin is looking fairly good today.. here's to hoping it will stay that way. Went for an audition for a fashion show in toronto last week.. it's not paid so i don't care much if i don't get it.. unfortunately it was two days after my first fitness work out.. so my legs were.. not great in heels..

So Friday i'm going to Toronto and dragging Mel to my agency if she feels better. Getting my pictures into my book.. YAY to have a full book again.. and to have a new comp card soon!

Meeting with Thomas tomorrow to discuss potential styling opportunities for photoshoots.. that could be fun and exciting so i'm excited!

Planning valentines... perhaps something sneeky.. hehe

Laurie

*food for thought*

FINALLY GREY'S ANATOMY.. stupid cliff hanger endings on shows that play once a week!